in the heart of a hero...

long awaited

2005-12-15T11:40:00.000-05:00

i just wanted to write to tell my fellow bloggers, that i've missed you and i'll see you for christmas, im making a new and improved effort of perseverance on this darn thing and i've been thinking so much of you. that means my crew in michigan....... lauren, matt,steph, tina, and the rest.... you know who you are. maryland is no michigan, and i can't wait to hopefully see you! MERRY CHRISTMAS, you're in my prayers!
love jackkaay

fun-fetti?!

2005-05-31T22:52:00.000-04:00

...MY FAVORITE CAKE!!

and guess what? i'm gonna have my cake tomorrow and eat it too, hopefully smash my face in it before eating it too! why??

BECAUSE IT'S MY BIRTHDAY....

yea... eat that you anorexic freaks.. i'm gonna be one with my fat-ness tomorrow, SUCK IT!

God Bless (somehow i feel hypocritical saying God Bless and Suck it all in the same paragraph, YAY! I do what i want... it's my day of birth... tomrorow.)

Jack-lee 21.

bad joke

2005-05-25T22:16:00.000-04:00

so i was the MISTRESS of Ceremonies with Eric Behan tonight at the Athletic banquet and i was telling the WORST jokes.... i mean, NO LAUGHTER. usually i get pity laughs... haha. oh well

i don't really want to write about anything, i'll be honest. i think it's just all motivation, and i won't be around much this summer or next year, so it's hard to concentrate on the computer at all lately... it's a detachment i'm learning to love. so... if anyone wants me to write about anything, MOTIVATE ME...

mucho love-o

God Bless.. jackiebaby21.

yummmmm

2005-05-02T08:21:00.000-04:00

i like rolling my r's. ha...... yeaaa i'm bored. i'm in first hour, world issues. boy oh BOY... so fun. we learn about the world, and the issues of the world. let's move on.

yesterrrrday lauren and i took our mommies to the pancake house for breakfast but somehow my mom was the only one suprized, WAY TO GO SALAMI! just chiddin. it was really nice, but we really only talked about softball... next story...

we had a tournament on saturday down in grad rrrrapids. me oh my was that amazingly fun! we lost our first game SIMPLY because of a couple people having little errors. mr welch FREAKED out on us, basically it was the "mr. welch" show for 20 minutes while he screamed at us while we were on the field. i'm sick of it, and i wasn't really yelled at that much. THAT MUCH haha. i definitely yelled back, i hope i'm a trend setter. anyway a few of us really felt like leaving and handing our coaches our uniforms but we stuck it out. we won the second game, lost the 3rd... i'm pretty sure we were just dying to go home. a few girls were yelled at that really shouldn't have been, especially liz. she was expected to know everything about everything at short stop and she hardly even played last year, and going to starting in a position she'd never played before, i say that makes screaming coaches very wrong. i was so angry about the whole thing but tried to use it against them in a good way. i was 5-8 the whole day... i think i'm getting back "in the swing of things" ..............next story....

today we play cheboygan but we're hoping it's cancelled. i spelled that wrong, pretty sure. i really wanna hangout with lauren and steph and all them soon... it's been too long. i need to go tanning again, yes... i'm addicted. we'll see where that leads me in life, haha.

yesterday allie her mom and her brother had me over for dinner, yummm as heck. then alliea and i saw erich, tina, and gregerick longboarding and we joined in. it was pretty niiiiiiiice. i was pulling some amazing things out of my butt driving my car. peeling out everywhere, driving over train tracks, bill would have definitely not approved. yay! haha... then alliea came over, we ate our usual pint of dove ice cream and pranked a few fun people. erich came over... i SMOKED him in 1 on 1 not wearing any shoes... annnnnnnnnd i officially hate myself cause ....i can. yay!!

ps... my feet smell...

pps... oh... umm... bryan is a brat, he makes me frickin mad. but oh well... life goes on. i hope he doesn't think i'm his girlfriend, cause i'm not. haha.... maybe i'm the brat. oh well.... boys aren't my specialty... heheheheheeeeeeeeeee

God Bless.... one... j dizzle

short but sweet

2005-04-22T06:54:00.000-04:00

i suck at softball this year and it doesn't bother me as much as it normally would.

i'm REALLY excited for prom (al asked allie!)

i want to know where i'm going for my year so bad, and i want it to be another country.

brian makes me want a boyfriend.. one named brian.

gregerick fordon is the funniest boy i've met in months.

my newest friends are imbeded under my skin and making me itch like CRAAAAZY. haha.

my dad's health is heading south.

my grandpa's health is disinegrating.

my spanish is coming out of it's hiding.

tiger's game june 17th, foul line behind visitor dug-out.

i have eye crusties..... they're bugging me.

i smell like stinky feet...... passed down from many generations of de Lyon's

there's no little e on my softball sweatshirt, AHHH.

i love being mexican.

God Bless j hop.21

tall dark and fricken handsome

2005-04-17T21:44:00.000-04:00

prom prom prom... ooooh sweet prom..

i finally resolved what was one of the most stressful situations i've ever had with someone. still a little high pressure but it's working it's way out. (and when i say out... i mean OUTTA HERE)

so like a typical girl.. i already have my eyes zoned into someone new. ha... but ya know, sometimes you gotta just go with your gut, and follow those butterflies where they want to go. so my prom date, brian rekowski, and i.. have been getting to know eachother and hanging out lately, and i am A- OK with that. haha.. he is such a nice guy. and it's so convenient that he looks latin, ha. tall dark and handsome... be careful what you wish for! YAY FOR JAY!!

in other news... i did terrible this weekend at our softball tournament. i'm still not over the nervousness of my leg. aside from the fact that i didn't have a brace or anything to take my mind off of the chance of my leg getting smashed in or have my bone pop out of my skin, i just couldn't bring myself up from a couple comments made before our first game... and it showed. i ended up playing in left field pretty much the rest of the day, and liz did awesome at short. all i care about is the team, not where i play. it will be what it will be.

anything i have to do with peter is vanishing. that's the best thing to happen to me in so long. peter for me is like some kind of cancer... i need to get rid of it before it spreads. since he has his little prized possession now, he's deleted every email i've written him, good for him. i put so much time and effort into every ounce of energy i could give peter, turned out to be in many other girls favor.. ha, amazing. what a niave girl i was... key word, was. i'm so excited to be happy. let's hope that's sooner than later.

i'm so glad allie and i have been getting closer and closer lately. she is such a good friend. ever since 9th grade, we got real close real fast. we seemed to be alot alike and had alot to laugh about... we've been thru lots, had our times of differences and seperation.. but like true friends we stuck thru it. you know they're your best friend when they want it as bad as you do, and they prove it. i love alliea, we're inseperable, it's fun.

i've been thinking so much lately, of leaving this town for at least 12 months starting in july. so sad to not see the faces i love here, but so good to grow and learn in the things that this life was made for. i'm so excited to give of my time and offer what i can... and i know wherever i go, it will be perfect. how could i not be excited to go somewhere and meet people who love what i love and are looking for what i want too... anxious, that's the word.

there should be no where to go from here but.. up.

God Bless.... jay.21

to the point of no return

2005-04-11T14:21:00.000-04:00

where's my night in shining armor now?

this whole situation with brad has turned from bad to worse. every time we're around eachother, he ends up a mute. he has so many people involved in our situation, it's turning me off and away, more and more as the minutes roll by..

at first it made me laugh to find who the root of this one rumor that started everything was: Peter Heier...... AMAZING. see, him and i know eachother by heart, but even more by brain. i understand completely was he was doing when he started to tell people that chad wilson and i were dating. he wanted to stir things up for me, sit back and watch the punches. well, not only did he tell people we were dating, he also told some very impressionable people that i was having sex with chad on his own bed. you have no idea what this does to me. i'll just move on with the story..

so, as we all know, news travels fast in a small town. (whether it's true or not matters not) Peter tells Kevin, Kevin tells Annie, Annie tells Whitney, Whitney of course, tells Brad. Brad TEXT messages me (smart choice eh?) saying... "..i'm not sure if you even like me anymore.. be honest, i heard you're dating chad wilson now." and things unfold from there. He has Annie ask Caleb Heier about Chad and I and a number of questions along with it. Annie takes it upon herself to call me and bait me, putting my character in check. It was a long and very un-necessary conversation that started by her calling me from Brad's phone so she could catch me off-guard. nice try...

carrying on.. Brad ends up apologizing but still does not talk to me, walks away when i come to the theatre, doesn't talk when we're bowling with a bunch of people, completely shuts off. But still, continues to talk to every one of his other friends about our situation, everyone but me. Last wednesday, Al and I went to traverse city and the night before I asked Brad if he wanted to go but he said "not really because I don't have any money... but I'll call Al later and talk to him about it." So I call Al and he says, well it's up to you.. So I call brad back, leave a message saying, "So.. I guess it's just gonna be me and Al, I'll call you when I get back." I call Al and tell him not to worry about having to stay up and answering his phone because I left brad a message. The next day Brad writes me and says.."Why did you tell Al not to answer his phone if i called?" And we argue about how Al and I didn't want him to go and I invited him just so I could make him feel bad and not let him go, which was and would never be the case...

Yesterday, he called me, with quite an attitude. he said to me.. "I just want to know if we're still going to prom. I don't want to waste my money if i'm not going." amazing. i love to give people the benefit of the doubt... but he's playing all the wrong cards at this point.. and he's already losing the whole pot.

LAST NIGHT.. Bonfire time. Erich Jackson, Brian R., Guy Schuil, his friend, blakely, al, myself... we were all hangin out, it was cool and calm. Brad and Aj showed up which would have been fine if it didn't turn into "Brad gone wild". He ended up drinking quite a bit and I refused to talk to him. He was saying things out loud that didn't need to be said. Telling people I hate him, asking people to talk to me for him, middle school behavior... Then came Lea and marissa.

**i found out yesterday that marissa is having sex with peter heier. what a perfect match. she has tried to get with him ever since we were freshmen and peter and i were dating. i've told her things about peter, i've asked for advice, vented, it just all falls into place what kind of person she is. lea said to me last night... "she's really nervous, she feels really bad right now..." i laughed and said loud enough so mari could hear me..."OH she feels bad NOW?" it was rediculous...

Anyway... marissa was apparently trying to make me angry last night and get to me by being everywhere brad was, while he was drunk. hanging on his arm, talking non-stop, following him around. it didn't impress me, or make me mad... considering they're both on the top of my least favorite people list. Aj told me as soon as I left, she didn't talk to him agan. hmm... that's funny.

So Brad calls me today and apologizes, funny how the only time we talk on the phone now is when he apologizes for something. I didn't really want to talk to him, but my dad answered the phone. He says... "I just wanted to apologize for last night and let you know that i do want to go to prom with you." that was basically it and he said i'm sorry if you hate me, and i didn't say anything, not that i hate him.. i was just furious. He said if you still want to go that is, and i don't, but i said... uh huh, not very convincing, and he says... well do you want to talk about it and i said no. it was a messy conversation but we ended it and that's that. i don't want to be anything more than a friend to him... and that's someday, right now i don't want to even talk to him...

...so i'm sure plenty of people are mad at me for all the wrong reasons and all kinds of lost causes, but life goes on. i've been so stressed out i don't think there's anything left in this heart of mine to give... i'm so drained. all the tears, worries, high's and low's of emotions i keep inside from all the hurt peopel cause. i need such a seperation from it all. these are the things that put a void inside of me, even i questioned myself at points and that's the last thing i'd ever want. so pray for me...... right now, i've been tested more than ever.....

...to the point of no return.

God Bless - jaclyn suzanne 21

what's the difference between me and you?

2005-04-08T17:21:00.000-04:00

"Faith, great Faith.."

it feels like people have lost this in me in the last weeks. hard to express, harder to explain.

i'm sure the ones who read this, realize, that i'm not a down in the weather girl. but in this last month, every worldly aspect has pulled be to that... to being, down in the weather. friends wanting more than to just be so good of friends, others trying to pressure me into being commited and labeled as their girlfriend, other friends acusing me of the kind of person that plays games and toys with people for personal enjoyment. it's all been so confusing, and more than not, i let it take advantage of me and my strong faith, my... great faith.

so rathehr than follow my own gut, advice every other person has given me, and logic has told me.. i've tried for so many weeks, days, and way too long hours.. to figure it all out, piece by piece. asking myself time and time again, why have i seemed to different? why am i letting all of these worldy things take over, take advantage of my passions and emotions? all i came up with was this phrase...

"..The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.." --St. Paul

amazing how it made so much sense to me. or at least put some pieces in their place. while some people, more than many, see this time in life and history, as a time of questioning everything... i take it... as a time of peace. while every part of the world is screaming out for themselves, wanting everything for themselves.... they don't realize that the only way they can find peace, is by giving themselves. St. Paul said in this quote, that everything about our minds wants this, to give to others, to do good, to seek all goodness and what brings us closer to happiness. But he also said that it would be hard, "..but the flesh is weak..", this isn't an excuse, it's a means of motivation, putting us in our place, but not giving a chance for failure. He is telling us that we aren't perfect, but should always strive to be that... PERFECT. Perfect in a sense of faith. What more can bring us closer to peace than faith?

i've sturggled so much recently, and part of me just wants me to let it take me... just because i know i'll be up again, full throttle, ready for my next close up.

"it matters not that you fall one thousand times, but that you love the fight and not the fall."

we were given so many wordly things in this package God put together before He sent us off in it. He gave us love, happiness, saddness so we can get back up after falling, all of those emotions. Things we live for, in such a wrong way. let's face it..... most of us live for ourselves. nothing more, nothing less. we want we want we want. what can we get out of life before our time is up. my thought is... how can we live it for He who gave it to us. doesn't it feel amazing to give a little kid, a parent, a grandparent, just... something. offer them something special. but how many people understand what it would feel like to give to Him. call me a crazy catholic, call me just plain crazy... but while you're going to school and living for yourself and getting all you can out of life, for yourself, i'll try to give it to someone else.. and i'll be happier than most...

i think what alot of people don't realize, is that we will all be forgotten. when we die, people will mourn, of course, but they will move on. we all wish that people would be sad, selfishly, and always remember things about us, maybe always stay attached to us in some way. People generally don't care about anyone but themselves, we all know it's true. So why not live the precious gift of life for someone other than yourself. Life had to be given to us by Someone, otherwise it wouldn't be a gift. We all want attention, we all want love, worldly things..... but why not be different. Be a saint. Love the fight of life, not the fall.

God BLESS

jakita banana.. 21

I"M COMING SISSY!!!

2005-03-22T22:21:00.000-05:00

YESSSSSSSSS... i get to see COLIE

okay so I only get to see her once a year basically... and I get to see my sister for 5 stinkin' days people... I'm PUMPED. Nicole is the best part of my family, haha. She gave her life to Christ and is a Lay Missionary in the Catholic Church. She is my FAVORITE sister (I have one... so) and a perfect example to me in this crazy world we live in. I miss her dearly and all I have to say is...

...SISSSSSSSYY!!!!! I'M COMINGGG... DON'T CRY!!!!!!....

haha... so i might be too excited... yer just jealous. ......only KIDDING.

one- God Bless....... jackalope 21

another love of mine...

2005-03-20T22:21:00.000-05:00

oooh if there were no John Legend of Van Hunt in my life... uh oh.

VAN HUNT... oh my Goodness he's my new John Legend, but not his replacement. I'll leave you with this... only a few things send chills down my crooked spine... and Van baby, you're one of them.

Here's a little musical snack... download if you dare jump on this soul train of mine... ha..

Precious
tonight... you have no worries with me here
my time, my time is as free as your tears
let them rise with the wind and follow me at night
you have no worries... no worries tonight...

remember the woman who
locked herself into a lonely room
cause she, she thought that she had no one to...
make her feel like.. nothing less than the precious jewel
but you know that you are...

precious as the mornin sun
precious as the deep blue sea
baby you know you are...
most precious to me

you, you are the one that my love owns
for my faith, for my faith i have nothin to show
but a wonderful taste in my mouth from loving you
from loving you...

precious as the mornin sun
precious as the deep blue sea
baby you know you're the one
most precious to me

precious as the mornin sun
precious as the deep blue sea
baby you know you're the one
most precious to me

remember the man who..
selfishly gave to a chosen few
cause he, he thought the world owed him something too
make him feel like..
something more than a simple fool..

precious as the mornin sun
precious as the deep blue sea
baby you know you're the one
most precious to me

precious to me precious to me
precious to me precious to me
precious.... to me....

AHHHHHHHHH... i love this music... PLEASE listen as soon as possible!
One... God Bless... J -21

so it's still a month away... BIG DEAL

2005-03-20T21:21:00.000-05:00

PROM!!!!! YAAAAY!!!!!

anyway...

i decided to post a couple of dresses i'm having a REALLY hard time deciding on. I'm not really a long dress kind of girl so i'm gonna make it kinda short this year... I don't really care what anyone says. I'm PUMPED. so tell me what you think and anyone, PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR OPINION!

One- God Bless, jackson brown21

here's dress number 1... i'm leaning towards this one, i like how it's different from anything else i've seen and it's elegant...

http://www.absstyle.com/_images/products/pixl_3E26T74_Pink.jpg

here's dress 2... i tried this one on, it fits mmm mmmgood and it's kinda my personality i think...

http://www.neimanmarcus.com/products/mp/NMT09EV_mp.jpg

- I DON'T KNOW... nelly's a genius... i have a dilema... and yes i spelled it wrong.... poop.

NEWS flash... sicko

2005-03-18T14:21:00.000-05:00

so.... yea i'm just gonna cut to the chase...

i have fricking mono. ew.

that's really all i can say right now, my lungs are caving in, if i was allergic to bee stings, i've been stung about 300 times by now and my throat feels the size of a walrus... yum.

anyway... if any one of you feel bored out of your mind and believe me i NOW KNOW what that means... keep me in mind, at the bottom of your list of pathetic things to do i'm sure you can squeeze me in. .. i'm a sad case, so don't worry, i don't feel too sorry for myself... i'm past that stage... we've moved on to... hmm... how do i say it, MISERY. haha. just kidding... we all know i'm not a fighter....... HA.

anyway... my mom is driving me crazy, she said... "jackie after your hair appt. we can go get movies and order pizza for your friends when they come over tonight!!!!!!!..." and i gently replyed... "suze... i don't have friends, i'm like the plague right now... who would want to see me..." she NOT SO gently laughed.

el fin.... i'm gonna stuff my head in a pillow... ha.

one... God Bless...
jackie brown 21

thought it was boogers... but it's SNOT

2005-02-21T11:21:00.000-05:00

the feeling of thick gooey snot in the bottom portion of your esophagous isn't very pleasing when you wake up in the morning. let me go deeper on that...

i'm sicker than a DOG. i don't know how dog's got to be the animal in that saying, they shoulda used beavers or giraffe's or something... whatever. i don't know how i got sick, you're just BLESSED with it one day i think... so here i am, sick. it's not terrible, and i don't think you can tell, but i can. just the fact that every time i swallow i feel a huge lump of warm germy snot roll down with my saliva (sorry for the ncie visual... haha!) is really getting to me. oh well, doesn't mean the party stops there...

turns out i didn't have to stay in canada! YAY! those gross people. i stayed at my grandparents house in Dearborn Heights. I love those people, other than the fact that they're my grandparents, they are the coolest people everrrrrrr... and i realize everyone thinks highly of their own grandparents, but i'm sorry... mine are THE coolest.. ha. My grandpops is 88 and still goin... hopefully for a little while longer. He forgets everything you tell him and asks you the same questions 5 times in a row, just a test from God you know. I love him with all my heart. If you read this... now I ask you to pray for him too... he needs it...

anyway... my dad's team ended up winning their hockey tournament, out-scored their opponents 20-1. AMAZING. they are incredibly good, it should be illegal. and it just might be... the team is called Michigan Sting. a select over 50 mens team that is sponsored and travels all over the world and eventually the national tournament which they have won for the last 5 years in a row. The next big tournament is in California, too bad I will bein Rhode Island for the summer... otherwise I'd be on that state like glue...

I'm excited for today for a few reasons... first, no school, not too many things are cooler than not having to see Senor Snyder in el hallway... that upsets my stomach QUITE a bit and believe me, sometimes it gets messy. He HAS to be the worst principal i've seen or heard of. I don't want to get myself worked up, we'll save that subject for another date... back to my awesome day. Secondly, this day is gonna be sweet because i'm going tanning, yea WITH MY MOM. She was telling me how she wishes should could go but she is too afraid of the after effects like skin cancer and how much pain that puts people thru... oooh but jackie worked her magic and we're going today. Lastly (well... hopefully there's more reasons) TODAY EVERYONE IS COMING OVER TO PLAY POKER AND STUFF... whoa... sorry... but yea, i'm gonna actually have friends today. ha. hmm... we'll see who shoes up, yay! i'm excited... i hope they all bring money too... cause ima bring my GAME... ha...

well that's all for now, hope everyone has a great 21st day of the month... i know i will... ooooh yeaaaaaaa...

One-
God Bless....... apple jack 21

YA eh?

2005-02-18T11:21:00.000-05:00

i hate canada... at least this weekend i do.

today after school i'm going to Windsor, Canada to watch my pops play hockey. amazing. sounds like the most boring thing i can think of... i loooove watching my daddio play hockey but after the 3rd weekend in a month where i've had to leave friday and come back sunday just to go watch 3 hockey games and come back home all tired and cold... it's not that extravogant.

on top of that... canadians are TERRIBLE losers. they can't stand to lose, especially in hockey. and seeing how this team my daddy is on always wins nationals and sweeps everyone off their skates, i'd say there will be some harsh words and big black bruises come tonight. what makes it REDIUCLOUS is there is no checking... after you hit the age of 55 your big tough guy bones apparently shrivel up to brittle pieces of ready to snap bone. oh well.. hockey is my life.

i'm hoping monday i can have a bunch of people over to play some poker, watch some movies, play some games, and my favorite... EAT SOME FOOD... and that probably adds up to about 8 hours but... i'm magical... it will work out... and be INCREDIBLY fun... that's what i'm hoping and it's the only thing that's keeping me from strangling a stuffed animal or something. ha... i'm so loving...

oh.. i'm so glad things are getting better with jillian. we DID always have so much fun when everyone got along.. no, we had the perfect fun... geeeeez... i hope everything goes back to that asap...

bradley has been greaaaaat... i can't believe how much he's done for me, especially Valentine's Day- GEEZ. he is so nice... sometimes he makes me mad, but only because he apologizes too much for retarded things and always tells me im beautiful and it's rediculous the things he says sometimes, basically he tries too hard, and he doesn't need to, because i like him alot with him just being brad....

okay... enough for this weekend... everyone have a good one!

i feel incredibly sick, blah. soar throats are my favorite thing in the world. hmmm...

One-

God Bless......... jack strap 21

ps. this is the man i'm gonna marry... he just doesn't know it yet..

green means GO!

2005-02-15T09:17:00.000-05:00

i got the sweetest coat you can imagine... EVER. it's bright green and long and reminds me of inspector gadget... i feel like a news-reporter in it. and it goes good with my frickin red hair haha!

wow... valentines day... let's see.. i wasn't in a good mood really, kinda stunk just thinking about peter and my last 3 valentines days... they have been nice, turns out peter got me a few things he wants to give me too, i don't know what i should do about that... ahh... anyway, i felt sick all day, maureen went home, she had to stay at my house this weekend because her parents are in australia, and it turned out i was the one who carted her around, took her orders, AHH that was frustrating, but... humbling, ha.

soooo... i went bowling with emily, blake, tim, matt, jason, kenny, britney, blah blah... alot of people. came home around 4:15... mom was gone, called brad, had to wait till 5.... then he came over... but what he had in his hands was not what i expected...

..try a dozen roses, all incredibly beautiful (hot pink, orange, yellow, violet, red..) pretty much the prettiest flowers i've EVER seen. if that wasn't enough (and it WAS) he gave me the biggest box of chocolates i've ever seen.... that's huge if you know me. ha. i ate THEM ALL. not a supprise, and maybe why i felt so sick last night.... ha!.. he also wrote me such a sweet card. he was really original and i could tell he wasn't making any of it up... awe..

after all the giving and getting we went to blockbuster, the movie theatre, wal-mart, the usual.. ha. we ended up buying aj, whitney, and annie a little something and brought it to them and they ended up sending us on a few erronds for them... go figure, but it was no problem...

we met nick and ashley at whitecaps and had a pretty good time.... spent a few dollars ha. i can't believe how much brad did... must mean somethin, hmmm. i ordered my fave... escargot, YUMMM... then we went to my house, watch an hour of a movie and they had to leave.... bill was grumpy ha.

all in all.... good day, started out bad, ended a little sick, but it was worth it.... bradley pulled thru like he probly always will... ha... awe.... yay!!!

valentines day was da bomb... :)

One- God Bless 21

short stack?

2005-02-11T11:14:00.000-05:00

sick.... i look like a two year old.

so i got my hair cut yesterday, i wanted it to look like catherine zeta-jones in the movie ocean's 12 but i look rediculous.... if any of you see it, please hold the laughs and the puke..... i don't like it either....

one- God Bless

jaclyn suzanne 21

oh SNAPshots

2005-02-07T21:15:00.000-05:00

..just a few pictures from the weekend... along with one random one, don't ask, just enjoy... ha! OR NOT! up to you...

one- jaclyn21

ps.... God Bless

i saw red

2005-02-06T13:43:00.000-05:00

turns out im an AWESOME DANCER. ha...

snowcoming was incredible. GOSH. i had so much fun, might have been the most fun i've ever had at a dance. it's up there alright.

5:30 came too late in the day. bradley showed up at tha door all matching me and stufffff... al and aj came around 5:45, annie and kevin around 6. we all took a little drive to jesse darga's house where we were supposed to take some pictures by the sunset right in their back porch that us girls usually do, but it turned out that we showed up as they were all getting dressed, and the sun was already down. oh well. the guys felt kinda awkward, GEEZ... i'm glad i'm not a shy person. we had some appetizers, "payed our respects" and headed to applebizzles. i'm PRETTY sure our waiter kiel (kyle) went in the kitchen and puked in our food since we were so rediculous and annoying. it was fun. it was annie's birthday (along with my boo lauren who's house i'm going to today, YESSSSSSSSS i'm so happy... i miss her) so of course the waiters/waitresses came out clapping and singing.... score. theeeeeeen we went to annie's house, i played with her adorable ferret, charlie, oooh so cute. we sang for her, lit some... candles (dangit! KIDDING..) and went to the dizance.

now let me just tell you i was born dancing... my poor mother. ha. i had so much fun, probly too much. but when you're caged up in MY house all the time and your parents are pretty much natzi's... you tend to want to let loose, and probably take it too far... aw well. IT WAS INCREDIBLE. brad is hilarious... such a fun date. we shook our groove thangs. he's the only boy i danced with.... other than myc da KING. he is a nice guy, i'm glad he won. i voted for reagan d but myc is the bomb, plus i think everyone wanted to see two minorities our there struttin our stuff... yea SHUT UP. haha... at least i take showers... i'm not dirty.

the game on friday was fun, except for the fact i had to look like a freak? yea... sick. i didn't expect what happened at halftime and i felt rediculous, not so much the good way, the REDICULOUSLY EMBARASSED way. i turned and go... uhhh... what? you coulda fooled me. i think it was a joke, someones idea of making me feel retarded. good job you tricky trickster! whoever you are. ha.

it was a fun weekend, actually... week. friday i didn't go to school AT ALL. all the people on court went to breakfast, then bowling, then to school for "lunch"... then the rehersal, to the college to watch our prep-team play a game, then the goldmine and back to the pep-assembly. it was AMAZING. ha. i wish every day was like that. i basically had a 3 day weekend. awesome. and we all know how much I like to eat, so a free huge plate of chocolate chip pancakes isn't too bad of a deal. anyway... i like truency (Sp) it makes me feel happy....

today i'm hopefully going to laurens for the superbowl, we all know how much i love football, HA! i don't watch it at all but i won't complain if i have to watch some strong men wear spandex and hit eachother alot. eh... i'll keep my mouth shut. i'll be the halftime show. i can't wait. i had alot of fun last night, everyone was GORGEOUS and looked great... today should be great too! THANKS FOR INVITING ME SALAMI!

one- GodBless....... jackie daLION21

ps... here's my prince and i...

let's hear it for the boy

2005-02-01T19:48:00.000-05:00

oh how time flies when you're --maybe-- falling in love...

i've been hanging out with brad for quite a while now. wow... i'm such a retard for it taking so long to follow thru with an interest i've had in him for a long long time...

brad has to be one of THE funniest, straight out most fun people i've gotten close to. let me let you in on how it all started...

lunch is usually something you like, one of your favorite times of the day, but let me explain how my normal lunch day has changed from boring to rediculous(that's a good thing in the life of jd) i'm an entertaining person, and sometimes that gets a little bit exhausting, ha... only sometimes. well i found my solution. brad. i used to go to lunch, and me being a teachers aide 4th hour my lunch is an hour and a half long, and it wouldn't be that great, because it would drag out, people coming and people going in and out of my life for only a half hour at a time... sad story, until i started to get to know this special boy (not to mention our other chums Al, Aj, keith, kevin, and angela) So anyway, if any of you know these boys, they are re-damn-diculous, the BEST. and when someone can make me laugh harder than i've ever laughed before, that means something. ha... especially to me.

..now lunch is amazing, so exciting to go to even if i don't have my beloved food... jackie LOVES food.

anyway, brad is the BEST. so precious. even when i didn't know him that well and we just started to hang around eachother, he came to my house and gave me a HUGE teddy bear and a card when i had to be at home on the couch after my leg surgery... he's the creme of the crop...

so then... he asked me to snowcoming! and i BLUSHED. what?! jackie doesn't blush. so here i am all happy and smiley with rosey red cheeks (disreguard the fact i just went tanning for way too long) it's all because of brad. i'm so excited for this weekend, getting to know him, spending the time i have been spending with him. it's all been over-due for a heck of a long time...

life is special...

God Bless, one -- jack 21

awe...

2005-01-23T18:30:00.000-05:00

i like brad... brad brad brad, he is the best. funniest, coolest, nicest, sweetest, most beautifulest person ever! and i'm gonna make sure i tell him every day!

he makes me feel like this....

and this!!

yay!!! bradson is the bomb... that's all there is to it

one... j

Oooooouuuch!

2005-01-20T18:28:00.000-05:00

.............soooooooooooooo i guess it's been a while.. haaaa. i've been a little knocked up on some big huge cute pills called vicodin... yummy. i had my surgery on tuesday to remove my plate and seven screws, sickness. i was at the hospital from 10 am to 5 pm, nasty. anyway... lots been happenin lately. ohhhhhhh well... we'll leave it for another time...

so everyone knows i love john legend, actually... he is in love with me, don't tell. so... i've decided to sport some of his lyrics since they ARE all about me... and if anyone gets the chance... download his entire debut album "get lifted"... it will create magic... probably in places you'd never imagine... what? haha... so... in other words....... here's some lyrics... ONE love, up above... deLyon-out.

"Stay With You"

We've been together for a while now
We're growing stronger everyday now
It feels so good and there's no doubt
I will stay with you as each morning brings sunrise
And the flowers bloom in springtime
All my love you can rely
And I'll stay with you

Oh I'll stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I'll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we'll be alright
I will stay with you

Though relationships can get old
They had a tendency to grow cold
We have something like miracle
Yeah, I'll stay with you

Oh I'll stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I'll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we'll be alright
I will stay with you

And there will be heartaches and pains, yes it will
But through it all, we will remain
In this life, we all know
Friends may come, they may go
Through the years I know
I will stay
And in the end I know that we'll find
Love so beautiful and divine
We'll be lovers for the lifetime, yeah
And I'll stay with you
I will stay with you

Oh I'll stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I'll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we'll be alright
I will stay with you
Everything will be fine
And I will stay with you
Through the end of time
I will stay with you.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Refuge (When It's Cold Outside)"

I pray for better days to come
I pray that I would see the sun
Cuz life is so burdensome
When everyday's a rainy one

But suddenly there's no more clouds
I believe without a doubt
That heaven sent an angel down
And then she turned my life around

You know and I know
Friends come and friends go
Storms rise and winds blow
But one thing I know for sure

When it's cold outside
There's no need to worry cuz
I'm so warm inside
You give me peace
When the storm's outside
Cuz we're in love I know
It'll be alright
Alright it's alright

Oooh...

Now peace is so hard to find
We're terrorized and victimized
But that's when I close my eyes
And think of you to ease my mind
You take me to another place
There's no more war (no more war)
Just love and grace
Baby you restore my faith
I know the struggle's not in vain
You know and I know
Through all the battles
Baghdad to Israel
There's one thing I know for sure

When it's cold outside
There's no need to worry cuz
I'm so warm inside
You give me peace
When the storm's outside
Cuz we're in love I know
It'll be alright
Alright it's alright

Alright it's alright
Alright it's alright
Alright it's alright

Oh...
When it's cold outside
There's no need to worry cuz
I'm so warm inside
You give me peace
When the storm's outside
Cuz we're in love I know
It'll be alright
Alright it's alright

Oh it's gonna be alright
Ooh...

Cuz you give me peace
In the middle of the storm
When it's cold you're keeping me warm
It's alright
It's alright
I'm never gonna leave
You give me what I need
It's alright, alright.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

...so those are two of my favorite songs... i love every single one of them and yes they are all memorized and imprinted somewhere in my skin... uhh... no but i love them all. by the WAY... i miss you all, so give me a shout or two sometime? vicodin DOES wear out... love you.... one.... 2421...
j

resolution

2005-01-02T21:07:00.000-05:00

so today any only now have i only felt this way... i've been ridiculed rightfully for some hateful and wrong things i had to say... they were of people who cared and did nothing but treat me right... all up in flames, tearing me down making my spirit tight... only few could understand what these circumstances are... the arugements and judgements have gone way too far... it was all in the past but of course i am guilty... seeing things i've said that i've forgotten made me feel nothing but filthy... respect and trust are two very hard things to earn... seeing how hurtful i've been and being forgiven is so huge to learn... i have been lucky and blessed to have these people in my life... it is because of them i am not screaming and crying thru every sad and lonely night... it's amazing to find that showing a bad side can help so sincerely... keeping my head straight and strong on a path not as weary... can i be strong and faithful to the people who have loved me so much... i will do my best and put forth my effort to give them every chance of love i can touch... those filled with hate can do nothing but harm... when instead being forgiving and so filled with love can break down this alarm... life is so filled with confusions-puzzles- and tests... who will be close to us when we've figured out the rest... life is so short and we have so little time to give... we have so much to offer but it's always for ourselves that we live... people need us and of course it should be obvious... we should re-read the dollar bill's "in God we trust"... we have every day choices and decisions to make... the past is the past but i know now how not to be fake... i guess all i have are thanks and praises for you... the one who showed me how to love more and how to hate is what not to do... so to those who have shown me that my character should be always improving... any speck of anger, person with hate, and aspect of confusion i will be removing... i pray that i be lifted from these clouds of sadness and confusion... friends of mine now and their care i will never again be abusing... for my last resolution i will give you my solomn word and covenant... from now on i will be the best friend i can be to all those who wish to hopefully benefit...

one... GOD BLESS

it's been a while

2004-12-27T20:43:00.000-05:00

...this year was mostly giving from my part, not so much recieving, which really made it better than alot of past years. I didn't really buy alot for numerous people, which made me feel pretty bad. I usually go all out and get every person I know at least a little something. I thought this year... they probably won't even remember the next week. I don't know, not great reasoning I know but it saved money, especially money that I don't have. I didn't get friends really anything, I got allie some pajamas and peter some cologne. I really didn't have time to tell the truth. I wish I would have bought for a few people, but I don't think they'll hold it against me.

I've gotten to hangout with people alot lately. In a way it makes me feel guilty. I don't know why. There's some kind of emptiness. can't explain it... just guilt. I stayed out until 3 the other night at Dan Hoffman's and his families Christmas party. that was hilarious...... it was a bunch of my sisters friends all tipsy and turvy. I drove Tricia and Kathleen Bacon home, I cant say how much I love them enough. I've had some good times with them lately.

I've been playing alot of basketball at the college, and I never get tired of that. I wish I could play every day. there's some awesome games going on there every day. mostly I don't get the ball much, considering i'm one of about 3 girls who regularly play. me being the smallest... doesn't help me much. i eventually prove myself after a few three's... but that's where it rests. i really miss playing this break since the gym is closed.....

Jan. 18th is my surgery. one metal plate and seven metal screws will be taken out as they were put in almost one year ago. may 22nd i broke my leg playing... softball, ha! it should be impossible, but i thought id try to slide once in my life... and once was enough. turns out i didn't know how in the first place haha. oh well... everything happens for a reason. my pain tolerence really shot up. cheers to me. no but in all seriousness... i never really healed. i went away this summer to live in Rome Italy and i rarely got to rest my leg. then I came home in august to play basketball up until about a month ago. it hasn't stopped bothering me since may. what can i say...... HEY. haha... anyway

things have been weird lately for me. i've just been tired... confused, i don't really know what i want. with a certain someone. i just don't feel the same anymore for him, it's just not like it ever was... i definitely moved on from him when we weren't together for a couple months before. and im not 100 percent in love anymore. i definitely love him. i care about his soul so much. he needs to grow. i just miss certain things..... especially complete trust. we'll see..... i just... i dont know. its lonely. feeling like your purpose in life is to love and be loved and not feel it, espeically from someone so close. i've given everything in my heart to that guy and he hasn't understood that yet maybe. maybe he really will never love me, or doesn't know what it is. all i know, is thati will make someone happy, whoever it may be. so happy....... geez i wish he understood

....happy holidays everyone..... God Bless.

i could get used to this..

2004-12-08T04:56:00.000-05:00

so... the last few days have been interesting.

i've seen peter 5 out of the last 7 days... it's weird. a change i should say. not bad, but at the same time it makes me feel horrible. anyway... lately it's been a little difficult, i've been thinking about how much i liked not being held down, how we'd hang out, and there was no label, no added stress for myself. not that he stresses me out, but i'd rather not have to hide things from people (cough cough). oooh yes, so anyway. i know he has been really good lately, he's doing so so so so so so so so... SO much better. he's been hanging out with chad lately. oooh what a great guy... ahhh... he is the best guy ever. practically my brother. i've known him for years... and we've been thru alot, basically all having to do with my sister. long long long story (as i repeat myself waaaay too much tonight).

so bottom line... things are really good for a change with peter, it's DEFinitely different. it's sad... i'm not used to him being so perfect and things being perfect at all. i'm used to the opposite. there ARE alot of factors. it feels a little better knowing that my parents aren't constantly keeping me in question and making me feel like a bad kid. maybe i am a bad kid... a liar is just as much a criminal as the next. but dang... i'm not hurting anyone, am i? i dunno... only when i think so bad about the situation does it bother me. i think it's worth it... i know peter has a lot to make up for, and i know my feelings for him are a little skeptical... that's given, but i can't help but give him chances, no one is perfect. the only perfect man that walked this earth was crucified, and he still forgave me for doing it. i have to forgive.

love is.... sacrifice. it never gives up or gives in.

breaks and sprains

2004-12-01T01:47:00.000-05:00

Explaining the most vivid situation in my life as of about 3 years ago would just about take that long to write, but I suppose summing it up in a few sentances deserves a try... so here's at it.

Peter... gosh darn Peter. Let's just say I remember the day, time, hour, minute, even facial expressions when it all started. January 4th 2002. I started dating Peter and pretty much what would be the biggest part of my life up to now. I can't ever explain all that emotion and passion inside of me, which I know is inside of him as well, but I will tell you it isn't close to it's finish. Given the fact that there is so much between Peter and I that could keep us together for three lifetimes, there is such a huge block in the way that I've been and still am being forced to grow up faster than I'd ever want to. My parents. Now, hearing this, most people would react the same... 'why don't you just stand up to them... move out... if it's really as bad as you say it is....' Well, they've been courteous enough to hand me the shovel that they used so strategicly to dig the whole i'm in that it just isn't that easy. Number 1- I am not nor have I ever been allowed to attain a job, reasoning.... 'we don't want you to have to work while in highschool... we want you to have fun'. *cough cough* 'we don't want you to be able to move out and support yourself... you're trapped here kid.' Number 2- they've been so generous as to give me the heaviest and most worn out conscious on the planet. Let's just say my father is what I might call a retired FBI agent (not really but basically) and I can't go a mile or even across the street to school without being checked on or mile marked. But I won't put it past you that I've lied to them, gone behind their backs and even borrowed other friends cars to go see Peter, but I don't blame myself, I don't blame anyone. Love, and I know it is that, tore my heart from wall to wall. I wanted to badly to make my parents love me, which I knew they always would. I wanted to make Peter happy, which had such a short fuse as days passed, lies settled, and respect was lost from my parents. Tough spot to put yourself in. I suffered. I was in anguish. and Pain. But life moved on...... there was cheating, stealing, robbery, and more lies, but this time not from me....... that one person you swear wouldn't dare. well He did. and it was thought to be over. but it never is..... Drugs played such a big role in all of the devious ruinings of my spirit, not by me, no I will never use or abuse those substances. But by Him. It's hard to understand, but me... I do. 3 years helps you to understand. Never fully, but mostly. Time helps, but Love peeks. I saw and then He ripped me blind. So past all of the hate and angry actions, now came forgiveness. That leads to now. I apologize for losing you, because no one can keep up with this long detailed story, but i'm here. It's hard, but it's un-questionable..... I have to be with him. I have to love him, he needs it. Tell me it is only 'shitting on anyone who ever did anything good for me' (don't worry... it's been said) but remember that i'm the only one. it's been too far and too deep to stop now. it can't stop. i have too much of mind and heart given to him that he has to be given these chances. i can read everything, i remember, and i won't forget.

what a summary. well that's not half of it. one on-going sentance to the next. it's hard to compact all the emotions and feelings in a word, but "forever" will do. he'll have me for that long.